Adjusting to Life in Spain: How Am I Practicing Being Spanish?

Click here to read the previous post, Adjusting to Life in Spain: Using the Spanish Healthcare System

Earlier I wrote about all the ways I’m practicing the Spanish language in order to achieve my goal of becoming fluent. But I’m also practicing another language: the social language of Spaniards.

In other words, being Spanish is not just about memorizing a bunch of nouns, verbs and adjectives, it’s about learning the essence of what makes someone who they are.

Oh sure, in general people are people no matter which nationality they are. But once you’ve lived in a different country for a while, you do notice some differences. And maybe some folks have no interest in fully immersing themselves in this new culture, but me? Hell yeah I do! (Or, rather, Claro que sí, joder!)

So here are a few ways that I’m learning to be Spanish.

Kissing

No, I’m not talking about romantic kisses (I wish!). I’m talking about how people greet each other in Spain. Whether I’m meeting a new person for the first time or a good friend for the tenth time, the ritual is two kisses, one on each cheek. (I mean, how can you not like this country???)

Admittedly, it took me a hot minute to get used to it. At first, I had no idea that two kisses were headed for my face. When a man whom I’d just met at a social gathering leaned in and planted one on my cheek, I thought “Oh, how nice.” But then when his face crossed my face (very closely), I thought “Oh, what’s happening?” Then his lips touched my other cheek, and at that point I was pretty sure I now had a new boyfriend. But then a woman did the same thing, and I quickly realized that cheek-kissing is simply the Spanish equivalent of handshaking in the U.S. and Canada (except in formal or professional settings).

The general custom, someone told me, is to start with the right cheek (i.e. to my left as I face the person), and then you don’t actually kiss the cheek, just make a kissing sound while lightly touching cheeks. My experience has been both ways and, now that I am a five-month veteran, I can say without hesitation that I prefer the actual kiss. Why? First of all, why the hell not? But secondly, the air-kiss feels weirdly fake to me, like you’re some hoity-toity person who says “dahling” all the time.

However, just when I was getting used to this social norm, two things happened. One: I decided to initiate the two-kiss greeting on a new person who backed away when I leaned in. I quickly pretended I had simply stumbled on the uneven terrain and never attempted to initiate again. And two: There are different rules in different countries, and with plenty of immigrants in Spain, I do come across these differences occasionally.

For instance, here’s a general numbers rule for cheek kissing in different countries:

One kiss: Mexico, Belgium, Colombia, Argentina, Chile, Peru, the Philippines
Two kisses: Spain, France, Italy, Germany, Hungary, Romania, Croatia, Greece, Bosnia, Brazil
Three kisses: Provence (a geographical region in France), Slovenia, Serbia, Ethiopia, North Macedonia, Montenegro, the Netherlands, Luxembourg, Switzerland, Poland, Lebanon, Egypt and Russia (where apparently it’s accompanied by a bear hug – wonder if that’s vodka-influenced?)
Four kisses: Nantes (a city in France) (wow, very specific location for this number of kisses)
Eight kisses: In some parts of Afghanistan (eight?? jesus, who has time to get anything else done in the day?!?)
Right cheek only: Ecuador (clearly a very busy people)
Nose kiss: In Oman apparently men sometimes kiss each other on the nose after shaking hands

How I’m learning to be Spanish

Let others initiate all the cheek kissing and just enjoy it!

Outdoor Seating

Every country enjoys sipping a cold beverage while basking in the sun during the summer. But drinking at an outside table in 8°C (46°F) weather at night without heat lamps?? Now that is some serious dedication to outdoor seating!

Maybe all the inside tables are full, I thought to myself one day as I strolled down the street, scarf wound snugly around my neck, hands shoved deep in the pockets of my heavy peacoat. But nope. The interiors of these restaurants and cafés all had plenty of empty tables.

Some of the tables on the patio or in adjacent plazas come with neatly folded blankets for customers to cover their legs with or drape over their shoulders like a cloak. I’ve sat at some of these tables and I’ve piled these blankets on my shivering body, but I gotta say: I do not like sitting in the cold, not matter how many tumblers of scotch are offered to me. Ok, maybe three will do it. Single malt.

How I’m learning to be Spanish

Sit outside only if drinking heavily.

Tipping

I had heard/read that Spain is a no-tipping culture before I moved here, so I was prepared not to hand over the requisite 20% at the end of a meal. What I wasn’t prepared for, however, was the feeling that it gave me. Leaving nothing but an empty plate on the table as I walked out of the restaurant made me feel like a con artist with a conscience. I kept expecting the waiter to run after me, angrily waving one hand at me and holding out the other.

But no one ever did that. So I started to feel okay about letting go of this custom. And then I noticed that when a friend paid for our meal or drinks, he left a tip (I couldn’t see how much without obviously snooping). And then I happened to catch another diner leaving a tip. What the what?? How am I supposed to transform myself into a Spaniard if they start acting more American/Canadian??

So I went to someone who knows: James Blick of Spain Revealed (and the Moving to Spain Masterclass I’ve mentioned a couple of (hundred) times). He says that in bars and restaurants Spaniards tip, but not a lot because waiters don’t rely on tips here since they make a living wage. He suggests that if you’re having a drink at the bar, you don’t leave a tip. Although if you want to, you can always leave the rest of the change (so if the bill is €3.70, you can leave the €0.30 you get back). If you sit at a table for a meal, you can leave a couple of euros on a €30-40 dinner.

How I’m learning to be Spanish

Leave just a little bit of change, which feels weird to me. Like I’m leaving a gum wrapper and a bent paper clip.

Meal Times

I’m reading Bill Bryson’s Neither Here nor There: Travels in Europe in which he mentions the very specific characteristics of several countries that we all associate with them – double-decker buses in Britain, for example – as well as “some things that most countries do without difficulty that others cannot get a grasp of at all.” Such as: “Germans are flummoxed by humor” and “the Spanish think there is nothing at all ridiculous about eating dinner at midnight.”

I can’t speak to German humor, but I can say with absolute certainty that in Spain meal times are definitely much later than in Canada or the U.S., and also tend to be a relaxed, social (i.e. long) event.

Here’s a general breakdown of typical Spanish meal times (keeping in mind that depending on one’s work schedule or preference, this is not set in stone):

Desayuno (Breakfast): 7:00–9:00 AM

This is usually a light meal, often just a café con leche (coffee with milk) and a pastry, tostada con tomate o jamón (toast with tomato or ham), or churros with hot chocolate (which I introduced my mom and brother to when they came to visit me last month – delicious, but too sweet for brekkie, as far as I’m concerned).

Some people might even have a bocadillo (small sandwich) or fruit if they want something more substantial.

Almuerzo (Mid-Morning Snack): 10:30–12:00 PM

This is basically a second breakfast or a pre-lunch lunch to tide people over until the real lunch. They might have a small sandwich, a croissant or a small tapa, often with coffee or a caña (small beer). Yes, beer before noon. I’ve seen it with my own eyes.

Comida (Lunch): 2:00–4:00 PM

First of all, I have to point out that the word for “lunch” is comida, which also means “meal”. So you have three or four comidas during the day, of which one comida is comida.

Anyway, this is the main meal of the day, which means it’s the biggest. It usually consists of multiple courses such as:

Starter (soup, salad or tapas)
Main course (meat, fish or a hearty stew)
Dessert (fruit, flan or yogurt)

It’s served with bread and, of course, wine and sometimes coffee afterward. In many tabernas, they offer this as a “Menú del Día”, a fixed price menu. Now I understand why the siesta (short rest) was invented!

Merienda (Afternoon Snack): 5:00–6:30 PM

Despite the aforementioned larger meal that requires a nap afterwards, I have it on good authority that a light snack is often eaten at this time to bridge the long gap between lunch and the infamously late dinner.

For this snack, they might have pastries, a sandwich or a piece of fruit, paired with coffee, hot chocolate, beer or a glass of wine.

Cena (Dinner): 9:00–11:00 PM

And now here we are, at the late-night meal! This isn’t a typical dinner that we have in North America (which is usually the biggest meal). This one is lighter and might include a soup and salad, a tortilla española (omelet) or a few tapas. Oh, and wine. Of course.

The thing about this meal is that it’s more about being social and hanging out with friends than it is about consuming a more formal type of dinner.

How I’m learning to be Spanish

Work from home and eat when I feel hungry. Or, if someone invites me out for a meal or drink, I follow their lead so I can take part in this aspect of Spanish culture (while discreetly taking notes for my blog).

Library Fines

I was reading a novel en español that I’d checked out of the library recently, when I suddenly thought: Wait a sec, how long have I had this book for?? I flipped to the back to check the due date and saw that it was <gulp> eleven days ago! Not that an eleven-day overdue fine would force me into bankruptcy, but I like to show respect to the library and to anyone who might be awaiting my book’s return.

I immediately rushed out to the library. Head held high with dignity, I strode to the check-out/return counter, placed the stolen item on the counter, and announced my transgression.

“Este libro está atrasado. Querría pagar la multa.” (“This book is late. I would like to pay the fine.”)

The librarian just looked at me with a smile that said Oh dear, which tyrannical country do you come from that makes you pay because you’ve been reading a book for too long?

“No hay multa” (“There’s no fine”), she said.

No library fines for late books!

Note: When I looked up how much overdue library fines were, I discovered that as of a few years ago, libraries across the U.S. have been eliminating late fees for borrowed books. Well, so much for this entry.

How I’m learning to be Spanish

Keep the book as long as I like, woo-hoo!

Using WhatsApp

Everyone uses WhatsApp here. They don’t even say “Call me,” they say “WhatsApp me.” And asking for one’s number is, apparently, old school now. Instead they ask for “your WhatsApp” (which is, in fact, a number, I’d like to point out for the record).

And it’s not just individuals. Businesses all advertise their WhatsApp number and suggest that you call or text them. For instance, when I order a book at a local English-language bookstore, I text them via WhatsApp, and they text me back when the book has come in. Or if I need a something fixed in my apartment, I just text my handy repair guy via WhatsApp.

Now that I’ve written two paragraphs on this subject, I’m not sure it merited a spot on this list. Oh well. I just thought it was a slightly interesting observation.

How I’m learning to be Spanish

Um. Use WhatsApp.

Doctor/Dentist Appointments

I was having drinks in a bar and chatting with a few people, when the woman who’d been alternately chatting with me and two guys and yelling into her phone suddenly stood up and announced that she had a dentist appointment to get to. As she hurried out the door, I noted the time: 7:45 p.m.! Another time I was making plans to meet someone for drinks one Monday evening and he suggested 8:30 p.m. to give him time to meet me straight after his doctor’s appointment.

Not that I care one way or another if a doctor decides to stay open late, but I asked a couple people why that was (it’s mostly unheard of in the U.S., as far as my experience goes). One person shrugged and said so that people wouldn’t have to take time off work to go to a medical appointment, and another suggested that everyone here is just much more relaxed and schedules (including meal times, as noted above!) are generally just later. Now that I think about it, I’ve never seen a Starbucks open earlier than 9 a.m. in Madrid, whereas in the States, many open as early as 5 a.m.

How I’m learning to be Spanish

I’ve only had one doctor’s appointment so far and it was at 12:30 in the afternoon which is no problem for me since I work from home. So I’ll have to get back to you on this point.

So there you have it. As long as I keep following these guidelines, I should be a bona fide Spaniard in about 3-6 months!

Click here to read the next post, Adjusting to Life in Spain: How the Fuck Do You Order Wine?

Note: All photos taken or created (using DALL-E) by Selena Templeton, unless otherwise noted.

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